And so it begins.
Spring 2014 semester, and we look ahead to classes and syllabi, power points and grading.
We long for the green and bright bloom, and we long for adventure.
Our family theme song for this current season has been Brett Dennen’s Only Want You, which is ironic, because it’s about longing for a relationship that doesn’t exist anymore. Nevertheless, there are lines that we sing to each other in the car or at the kitchen counter while we cook. We’ve listened to it so many times, Eliot can spout out the chorus in his sweet toddler falsetto, “Only want you, only want you…”
Travis went out of town last weekend. My mom came and played with Eliot. She spent her hard-earned money on Kindle apps, and read Little House books. She kissed cheeks and disciplined and rocked to sleep, cooked meals and washed dishes.
I love her, and I’m so thankful.
Travis came home after two nights away, and we basked in the joy– our family, our home, our peace.
We’ve got this unknown and crazy season ahead. Christmas crept up and then was a vapor. It left me feeling raw and uncomfortable, and after a few weeks of recovery, we are back into routine. And January is half-way gone.
Isaiah rolled over right after Christmas, and now there’s no turning back. He’s got deep blue eyes and a flirtatious smile. He cackles at smiling faces and gnaws on everything within reach. The newborn is gone.
Eliot is…Eliot. A two-year-old standing in front of the full-length mirror, flirting with his reflection. Singing, dancing, admiring.
The night can be a wreck of a time, and Eliot still wakes up every morning, wishing to hold his baby brother’s hand. He crawls over me (yes, we co-sleep) and squeezes in between Daddy and ‘Saiah, ultimately waking him from sleep.
“Hi, ‘Saiah!!” And that little mouth smiles up at big brother.
And Dennen sings, I only want you…it’s as simple as that.
We had rice and beans for dinner the other night. We sit around the table at every meal and talk; Eliot acts out something that happened while he was playing, or he sings the alphabet…again.
That life of simplicity still beckons, especially with the new year.
I only want this season with my boys. To have the quiet of our home, peace in our air and minds without the TV numbing us.
I only want to write music and know God, the One who heals deformity and calms every rage.
I only want books to be read, bread to be baked, homemade cookies at the table more often than not.
I only want patience with my little men and trust in our future together.
I only want community in a sweet and surprising way, moments that leave me in awe of someone else’s ability to love.
I only want spring to arrive and arrest us with her beauty, birds’ song and flowers’ bloom.
I only want life, and Heaven in every day, at every quiet moment and every loud, clamorous exchange. I want depth and meaning, confidence in promise.
Watch your step, walk softer softer….dreams are growing beneath our feet.
Only Want You